Is Couples Counseling Right For Us
People tend to have a lot of questions about the process of couples counseling. Things like: Is couple’s counseling right for us? How does it work? Are our problems severe enough? Do we really need help? The confusion is understandable because it’s a complex process that few people truly understand.
This article will help you determine whether or not couples counseling is right for you. It will also provide you with a better understanding of what to look for in a therapist, what you can expect in your first session, and how to get the most benefit out of the process.
Is Couples Counseling Right for Us?
In a single word…Absolutely. You may be wondering how the answer can be so definitive. The truth is, all relationships can benefit from a process that is focused on enriching and strengthening your connection with your partner. Even the “best” relationships face moments of insecurity and uncertainty. Maintaining a focus on building a quality connection with your partner and having space for open dialogue is incredibly important.
For couples that are struggling, facing more significant challenges, or are in the process of separation or divorce, couples counseling can still be a wonderful success. Whether you use it to help improve communication, reconnect emotionally, or figure out how to co-parent effectively. Your willingness to engage in the process can help significantly reduce your stress and improve your mood.
What to Look for in a Therapist
Not all couples therapists are created equal. Lot’s of therapists advertise that they offer couples/marriage counseling, but they do not all have the training and experience necessary to provide you with the best service possible.
Ideally, you want to find a couples therapist who is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT). Unlike other types of mental health clinicians, LMFTs have extensive training and experience in providing couples therapy that other types of providers do not. Think of it this way, you wouldn’t want a heart surgeon conducting your brain surgery, so don’t trust your relationship to anyone other than a specialist.
Another important component of successful couples therapy is the “fit” of the therapist’s personality with you as a couple. If you don’t feel a connection with your couples therapist after a few sessions, find someone new and try again. Therapists should not, and most will not take this personally as we understand how important this connection is for effective couple’s treatment.
What to Expect in couples therapy
1. DON’T EXPECT EVERYTHING TO BE FIXED AFTER THE FIRST SESSION.
The first session is an opportunity for your therapist to get to know you, your partner, and your relationship. Ultimately, you should be seeking individualized relationship guidance which takes time and a thorough understanding of your relationships idiosyncrasies.
2. YOUR THERAPIST WILL NOT JUDGE YOU.
Your therapist will not evaluate your relationship in terms of blame, but rather in terms of how the combination of your unique individual and couple-related factors have led you to this point. Furthermore, your therapist will avoid taking sides because their allegiance is to your relationship, over you or your partner individually. This is how couples therapists make recommendations that both individuals find helpful and can live with.
3. YOUR THERAPIST SHOULD CHALLENGE YOU
Though it might seem more comfortable to have a therapist that agrees with you on everything, there are most likely things that you need to be challenged on in order to help you improve your relationship. Don’t take this personally, your therapist wouldn’t push you if they didn’t think it was important or if they felt you couldn’t handle it.
4. BE PATIENT WITH YOURSELF AND YOUR PARTNER.
Remember, Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither was your relationship. It has taken a long time for you to get to where you are now. Continue to put your best foot forward and the benefits will come.
How to Get the Most Out of Couples Therapy
The most important thing when it comes to couple’s therapy is coming with an open mind and a willingness to engage in the process. You have to be willing to try things that might not work or that may not feel 100% natural. Nobody expects perfection and it is expected that you will not be able to implement things correctly all of the time. But if you keep at it, your therapist will work with you until you reach the place in your relationship that you have been searching for.
You must remember that your relationship is a lifelong process. Just because you fix the issue at hand, that doesn’t mean that other issues won’t come up down the road. You must dedicate yourselves to improving your relationship over the long haul. There is never going to be a “we have achieved perfection” moment. You will continue to make mistakes, but couples counseling will help you to be more aware of these mistakes and to improve upon them moving forward.
Have you ever tried couples counseling? What have your experiences been like? What did you find helpful? Take a moment to share in the comments below.
