Keeping Love Alive After Kids, Pt. 2

In part one, we focused our attention on how having children tends to negatively impact overall relationship satisfaction with our significant other.  Ultimately, we learned that the main contributing factor to this decline is that having children significantly changes the structure of our relationship and way we interact.  With changing priorities that include caring for little ones who can’t care for themselves, we tend to no longer focus on what made us, “us”.

Part 2 of Keeping Love Alive After Kids includes 5 quick tips that you can use to strengthen your relationship today.

 1. Have a conversation about your wants and needs.

This is a great opportunity to assess you and your partner’s feelings about what’s been missing in your relationship since kids came into the picture.  It’s important to focus on what you both want and need more of.  Getting on the same page with your partner is one of the most important things that you can do.  This helps ensure that the effort and time that you put into prioritizing your relationship is meaningful for both parties.

 2. Show them love regularly.

Find ways to let your partner know that you love and care about them.  These don’t need to be grand gestures.  It’s often the little things that mean the most.  While cards, flowers, and fancy activities are great, never underestimate the power of a loving embrace, doing an extra task around the house, or taking the time to leave your partner a note letting them know, “I love you” or “I am thinking about you”.

Ultimately, the important part of this is that you are doing it for them and not for praise or with expectation.  For ideas on how to most effectively show your partner love, check out the book, The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.

 3. Plan a date night.

A date night is a great way to help a couple get back to the way things were before they had children, even if it’s just for a few hours.  Coordinating a date night will take some effort but it is definitely worth it.  Prepare yourself for the fact that you may find it hard to relax initially, especially if it’s your first time away from your child.  Know that this gets easier over time so stick with it.  Since finances can often be tight for parents, remember that date night doesn’t have to involve spending a lot of money.  Great times can be had with each other going for a walk, having a picnic, or even just by having a relaxing conversation over a cup of coffee.  Try to plan a date night activity at least once a week.

 4. Schedule an extended time away.

While date nights are wonderful, they are often not long enough for us to really be able to relax and fully reconnect with our partner.  Scheduling a time away from the kids for a weekend or longer should not be considered a luxury.  If taking a trip together is not something you can afford, arrange for the children to stay with family while you and your partner have a great “stay-cation” at home.  This is a great opportunity for the two of you to reconnect emotionally and physically.

 5. Have more sex.

Sex is not just for singles and newlyweds. Having a healthy sexual relationship is a critical component of maintaining deep feelings of connection with your partner.  Though physical intimacy may be more complicated with children in the home, find a strategy that works for you both including time, place, etc.  This is also an important part of your relationship to discuss on a regular basis in order to make sure that it is not something that is being forgotten or ignored.

 Bonus Tip:  Protect one-on-one time.

Anyone with children knows that kids can be extremely needy.  While this may not be headline news to many of you, it is important to realize that their neediness should not come before everything else.

We see this most prominently in the form of interruptions.  If your kids are the type who regularly interrupt your conversations with your partner, teach them that they have to wait until you are done speaking with each other before you will answer them.  This provides the space for you and your partner to have meaningful interaction on a daily basis.  It’s also a great way to help your child develop the ability to self-regulate and learn an important social skill.

What have you done lately to prioritize your relationship?  Take the time to reconnect today!