Taking Your Sexual Temperature
In the beginning of romantic relationships, sex is often exciting, fun, and new. We are getting to know our partner in an intimate way where everything is novel. Some people rely on their tried and true tricks, while others play sex roulette trying to figure out what makes their partner most excited. I always encourage people to advocate for their needs early on in a relationship. This includes their individual sexual needs. Having this conversation early on tests a couple’s sexual compatibility and offers an opportunity to discuss our libido, kinks, preferences, and things that are off-limits. But what are you doing after the “newness” has worn off in your relationship to keep sex satisfying and exciting?
intimacy is ever-evolving
Sexual desires and wants are fluid and can change over the course of our lifespan. Things we liked when we were young may not be the same things we like in later adulthood. Conversely, things we didn’t think we’d be open to enjoying early on may be things that pique our interests in time. I’m not just talking about sex positions, it may include things like toys, kinks, role-playing, and so on. If our wants and preferences change with time, why aren’t we making a point to have an ongoing conversation with our partners to check our sexual “temperature” and communicate these changing wants and desires?
Bringing up the birds and the bees
Many couples may feel uncomfortable bringing up the topic of sex with their partner. Whether they fear the other will take it personally, or they fear that they will be judged for new wants or ideas. If you are too timid to ask your partner for what you need in the bedroom, you may have problems that go outside of the bedroom. A healthy relationship is one where partners feel comfortable asking for what they need while knowing that their partner will respond with open, respectful, and non-judgmental conversation.
Let’s talk about sex…often
Strive to not only talk about sex, but talk about it often! Ask for what you want and for what you need. As important as sex is to a relationship, it should not be a topic that only gets addressed when someone is unhappy. Take a proactive role in your sexual satisfaction. Relationships are a constant negotiation and compromise and the topic of sex should be no different.
Getting started doesn’t have to be hard. Tell your partner what you like about sex with them and the things you would like to try to keep it fun. Try a simple, “Honey, I’d really like to try ______ with you. I think it would be really hot.” Why wouldn’t your partner jump at the chance to please you in the bedroom when you set it up like that?
